i like typing

yes.
very much.
i like typing a lot.
cuase its easy.
i dont like the phone.
its hard to talk to others.
especially if you cant control your voice and its all high pitched and gross.
cant STAND it.
XDD
i like listening to others talk.
most other people have nice voices.
my grad students voice sucks.
but.
what he says is funny.



uh oh, still feeling ANXIOUS.


HAPPI BARSUDAI TWIN~!

larlarlar

My name is Sia.
I have a twin named Bamara.
We're twins from different mothers.
We have ESP.


or, we are just around each other too much...
HAHAHHAHAHA *snort* HAHAHHAHA
huuuuuuhuuuuuuuuhuuuuuuuuu
hyahyahyahya~~!!!
hehehhehee
heeeeeeeeeehheeeeeeeeeeeehheeeeeeeeee.
yepp.
it is possible.

hungry

what i want to eat:
chipotle
tofu soup
subway
persian food
really good ramen
pizza


now give me money.

sleeeeppy

no, not really.

so, since thursday, i've been feeling EXTREMELY anxious. like, to the max.

i feel really really nervous over... i think nothing. there's nothing to be nervous about!

but in the pit of my stomach, there is that tumbling feeling....... and it wont go away.....

so far the only thing that works to bring it down a bit is walking, or going to the rsf, or laughing hysterically (thanx btak~)... but then it comes back like... an hour later~

*cry*

one of my grad students got married yesterday, and it was the first wedding i've been to~

i've been to receptions before, but this is the first time i saw the bride and the groom in one second be free then the next they are legally bounded to each other. it was great.

later that night i saw my professor get drunk. that was great. and i danced with one of my fav gay boys~

^_________^

WHY DONT PPL CALL ME AFTER I'VE CALLED THEM!??!?!?!?

pissy, really. i called my firend on monday and said, hey i'm going to pick up my guitar on friday, and he was like ok. i call him friday about 5 times cause i was in the area, and he didnt pick up, nor did he ever call me back! grargragrar...

yesterday, i called bob twice because i really want to talk to him, and to get rid of my feelings of anxiety, i wanted to go up to the big c as well. but nooooo, of course he doesnt pick up, and of course he doesnt call back.

my roommate actually convinced me to call up white boy afterwards and ask him to walk up with me. he actually answered!! and said he was busy at the mo, but call later that night and see whats up then. did he call back? no. i cried a lil inside. you know what he did instead? fb'd me. and said he just got back to his place and was tired and maybe next weekendish go and have bob go too?

T___________T

actually crying would be stupid, but i felt like crap.

i <3>

huge asshole, but his heart is somewhat in the right place. usually. maybe. i hope so!

im feeling very anxious right now.

its like blargblargblarg.

i want a hug. not just a small simple one.

thats stupid.

i want a good meaningful one.

too bad i cant get one of those anymore. who would i get them from?

unfortunately, i feel like its come to a time where my friends are the ones i dont hug, i hug awkwardly with, or i hug briefly with...

thats fucking horse shit.

remember that controversial article "why i hate black people"?

If you don't remember, here it is:

"Here is a list of reasons why we should discriminate against blacks, starting from the most obvious down to the least obvious:

• Blacks hate us. Every Asian who has ever come across them knows that they take almost every opportunity to hurl racist remarks at us.

In my experience, I would say about 90 percent of blacks I have met, regardless of age or environment, poke fun at the very sight of an Asian. Furthermore, their activity in the media proves their hatred: Rush Hour, Exit Wounds, Hot 97, etc.

• Contrary to media depictions, I would argue that blacks are weak-willed. They are the only race that has been enslaved for 300 years. It's unbelievable that it took them that long to fight back.

On the other hand, we slaughtered the Russians in the Japanese-Russo War.

• Blacks are easy to coerce. This is proven by the fact that so many of them, including Reverend Al Sharpton, tend to be Christians.

Yet, at the same time, they spend much of their time whining about how much they hate "the whites that oppressed them."

Correct me if I'm wrong, but wasn't Christianity the religion that the whites forced upon them?

• Blacks don't get it. I know it's a blunt and crass comment, but it's true. When I was in high school, I recall a class debate in which one half of the class was chosen to defend black slavery and the other half was chosen to defend liberation.

Disturbingly, blacks on the prior side viciously defended slavery as well as Christianity. They say if you don't study history, you're condemned to repeat it.

In high school, I only remember one black student ever attending any of my honors and AP courses. And that student was caught cheating.

It is rather troubling that they are treated as heroes, but then again, whites will do anything to defend them."

So this was published in Asian Week Magazine by Kenneth Eng.

Why do I bring this up?

Today, I got out of lab early, and wanted to be able to find this one lotion that can only be found in specific Walgreens, so obviously none of the ones nearby. I got on the 51, took it all the way to San Pablo, then took the 72R to the Walgreens on Ashby. I found my fave lotion that I couldn't find in like... 4 years?? ANYWHO.

I wait about 10 mins at the bus stop, hop on the 72M, get off at University, and walk all the way down past Sacramento St. to be able to catch either the 51 or 52L back to the apartment. I was tired when I reached the bus stop, and had to wait another 10 mins for the 51 to arrive. I get on the bus, and there aren't really any available seats, but there was a place to perch, so I chose that (REALLY!! On the new buses, they have perching spots!!)

Anywho, so in front of where I was perching was a big black lady and her cute lil son sitting on the chairs that spring back. The lady had a big cart with a whole bunch of bags from Grocery Outlet. So we're coming to the stop where they're about to get off of, and she's behind her cart, and her son is still sitting, and I'm tiredly perching in front of where her son was sitting. It looked like there would be enough space for her to get through, and if anything, her son should get up to get out of the bus anyways. So I just perched.

When the bus came to a stop, she rammed that cart into me, and do you know what she said?

"I told you to move. You still be standing there, seeing me, like you retarded."

And I was just shocked. Ok, maybe I saw her, but... she said nothing to me before she called me retarded. I almost shouted out after her "You would act differently if I was a tall black man," but I didn't. I just, moved my legs out of the way as she bustled out all huffy.

So I do this a lot in my head:

My immediate reaction: My first thought was of how because she is black, she is allowed to say anything and do whatever she wants. Because a hundred years ago, her greatgreatgreatgreat grandparents were slaves, she has to right to be angry and hate against others whos histories aren't so well known in the United States. My fucking background is being Asian where I get asked stupid questions like when in line at a grocery store with a guy behind me, a woman asks if I'm in line, and me being Middle Eastern where I have actually had the look of horror, or been asked if I or my dad was a terrorist. Cuase yea, I fuckin oppressed her, she can say whatever. She didn't tell me to move! And if she angled the cart right, she wouldn't have ran into me. It would havebeen a tight fit, but she would have made it. No, instead she says a lie and calls me retarded. Thanks lady.

Reevaluting the situation: I should have known that she would run into me. I should have just been out of the way in the first place. Shit, I go to Berkeley, I should act smart, right? I should have guessed that there was no way she was going to use her head to try not to run into me, or to even say something. But then again, she didn't really need to right? I should have been able to evaluate the situation and already have moved. She must have been tired too, having just gone grocery shopping her her son, she couldnt possibly think to try to pass through a small space. I get it. I'm in the wrong.

Whatever. I'm usually wrong. I still feel like she was in the wrong, but... what can I do? I don't hate black people. But I wish some of them (not all, cause there are pleeeenntty of people I know who don't act like this...) would stop acting like they... are entitled to something.